I had great expectations when I started this blog. Expectations about how I was going to rock with all of my Forrest Yoga homework. Expectations about how I was going to start teaching immediately. Expectations about how I was going to practice religiously every day. Expectations, many expectations.
I was dealt a different deck of cards that changed and threw all of my expectations out the window.
I got the swine flu first. Then I was confronted with the challenges of life back in Chicago. Feeling really disconnected with my friends and family, and then greeted with a very unexpected break-up with my boyfriend. My time on the mat, my teachers/mentors Steve and Talya, and the Turbodog community were essential blessings of support from the Universe.
After the first mentorship workshop, I began to realize that I was very confused by all the information that I had received during the training. Especially in regards to what I like to label as "energy sensitivities" and I felt very overwhelmed with teaching and the prospect of teaching. I also began to feel a lot of pressure about teaching from people outside of my community. "Anne, when are you going to start teaching?" "Anne, where are you teaching?" It was as if without even publicizing myself, I had become a teacher. With this new information, came lots of questions. From other people, but more importantly from myself.
Last week I did a 2 day teacher training with Steve and Talya at Turbodog Spirit Center, and I was finally able to start putting my own emotions in front of me. And I started questioning what I was feeling, and started to say, "I am feeling me even if it is coming from someone else. It is a part of me." The notion of being an empath had really, excuse my French, "fucked me up." Labeling myself was one of the most dark and scary things that I've done in a long time.
I have gifts, but I do not know any label that goes with my gifts nor am I willing to say that my gifts are anything extraordinary, but rather they are a part of me. Just as a Michael Jordan's gift to play basketball was a part of him. I am Anne, and I need to learn more about what that means.
So I have decided to put on some training wheels. I will learn how to ride this teaching bicycle when it is my time, but for now I must relish the joys of training to become one. And to appreciate the "nowness" and "newness" of each new experience and lesson.
It's hard to deal. It's hard to deal with the truth sometimes. It's hard to be yourself. It's hard to listen to yourself. It's even hard to trust yourself. Knowing that you don't have to do it all at once, is for me an incredible relief. Knowing that I don't have to be the best immediately, or to be the leader, is a huge weight off my shoulders.
So I'm taking it slow. I'm giving myself time to learn to gain my own ground as a teacher. I want to start off by learning the energetic space of a classroom and what it means to be a teacher rather than a student. I want to know how to lead. To know how to listen. To know how to see. To do all this for my students because it is not about me when I am teaching. To be able to provide that space without it taking away from myself....I feel is the way to become a teacher.
Right now I am still a student. I will always be a student, but I need to start becoming a better teacher to myself before I can become a teacher for others.
Peace
Anne
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Forrest Yoga Mentorship Program Commences: Nov 15, 2009
After 2 burly weeks of post-teacher training drama--reentering the workforce followed by 7 plus days of the swine flu--I was super excited about starting the mentorship program with Steve Emmerman and Talya Ring. I couldn't wait to taste an all intensive Forrest Yoga filled day where everything outside of the studio drifted into a distant memory. Another entire day focussed on honing my practice, my connection to spirit, developing my assisting skills, and last but not least teaching a class to the public!
Chanting the morning songs outside of training with Steve and my fellow mentees, Bill, Eleanor, and Stacy delighted my spirit so much, that for the first time in 2 weeks, I felt that incredible sparkle of my spirit fill up my body and the whole room. Bliss.
Everyone's energy in the room was heightened today during the asana practice, and I could feel the tremor of excitement within the strands of my leg muscles as I grounded through each standing pose. My legs and feet have become extremely important in my practice, and I'm just discovering how much energy they are capable of storing and releasing. Some days I feel like a tadpole that's just grown legs--they feel like a completely new part of me. I've had them all of my life but the strength and the support that I'm discovering in them, makes me feel like I'm just now learning how to use them.
My intent for my practice today was to go into the dark parts of my body, the parts that I dance around because there's so much stored in these places that I don't really feel like feeling; but I'm at a point in my practice and in my life, where I have to start facing the uncomfortable realities. The dark and scary parts.
This intent takes courage and it requires my legs.
It was an amazing practice--about 40 people in class today. Turbodog Spirit Center felt so alive with all of us. It made me smile.
After practice, the 4 of us, Eleanor, Bill, Stacy and I did some process work and were partnered with a "mirror" or a "butt-kicker." Eleanor is my "mirror maiden" and it was great to get to connect with her. I'm so thrilled to work with her. She did the training in 2005 and realized that she wanted to get back into it and start bringing more yoga to the St. Louis community. I admire her courage and her motivation, and I feel that she will definitely be a good kick in the pants for me over the next 12 months when I need that extra push to get stuff moving.
After process work, we then worked hands-on-assists with Steve and Talya's direction.
1) Side bends with neck stretch
2) Badakanasana Forward Fold
3) Forward fold with extended leg
4) pigeon
5) dolphin
6) cobra
7) downward dog
I felt slightly rusty even though it had only been 2 weeks, but for some reason my hands felt a little hesitant today. The hesitancy wore away and I found myself excited about working with the puzzles of the human body. My natural tendency is to want to help fix everything, but I soon realized that less is sometimes more.
I also became very aware of how necessary it will be to continue to practice working with assists on many different people of different shapes and sizes.
A lunch break with some socializing was a happy break. I found myself to be quite exhausted--still recovering from the swine flu, I could feel my body craving a nap. No time for naps. :-)
After our break the 4 of us had 30 minutes to write up an intro class that would start in less than an hour.
We were a bit frantic putting the poses together, and I could feel the nerves of us rise a bit as we came face to face with the fact that we would be teaching a 90 minute class by ourselves. I got excited, and was curious to see who would show up and how everything would flow.
We drew straws, or rather, numbers to see what order we would teach in. Stacy went first, then me, then Bill, and then Eleanor. It was a good set up. There were 4 students that showed up. 3 of them were very new to yoga, and the other student was a pretty familiar face in class. The body sizes were all very different, and it was interesting to work with the dynamics of each student. Their energy was very supportive, and the genuinely just wanted to learn and do their best.
What I'm learning is that new students are such a joy to work with for the most part, because they are discovering parts of their body in a very different way, and you can see it in their eyes and feel it in their bodies how they are slowly gaining connection to their bodies and what is stored in their "tight and sleepy" parts.
There was one student who wanted to talk to me constantly when I was assisting him, and I realized that I need to work on figuring out how to maintain my role as teacher to lead a student into the different aspects of the pose without them questioning or commenting on everything.
Teaching was a blast. I was by no means perfect but I really enjoyed it. And I had a great time teaching the difficult poses of dolphin, agni sara, chest opener on the wall, forearm balance/dolphin on the wall, and Suns. Throughout my training I had not taught any of these poses, so it was a good challenge to see how I could lead my students as clearly as possible. I did it, and learned a lot about what works and what doesn't work.
One of the most interesting sensations happened to me while I was teaching, and that was that I felt like an antennae for information. I was feeling/empathing so much from my students that at times I felt overwhelmed and a bit unsure of what to do or say. I found myself pacing around. I was picking up on so much that I wasn't sure how to multi-task and accomplish half of what I was picking up on. Talya told me afterward, that the best thing for me to do is to try and slow down the amount of information that I'm taking in and putting out. Slower deeper breaths, and more grounding down through my feet.
I know that all the information will be very helpful in the long run, but currently I am just trying to figure out how to keep my students in a good space where they're being inspired and motivated to keep connecting to their body. One breath at a time.
The class went very well, and the four of us did a great job. I'm so proud of how far we all came throughout the day. I am very aware of how much more I want to practice my assists and my teaching cues.
My intent for the next month is to continue to practice and to hone my skills in assisting and cuing. Now, I need to send out some emails to get more hands on time with my friends or any aspiring yogi. :-)
That's all for now.
Anne
Chanting the morning songs outside of training with Steve and my fellow mentees, Bill, Eleanor, and Stacy delighted my spirit so much, that for the first time in 2 weeks, I felt that incredible sparkle of my spirit fill up my body and the whole room. Bliss.
Everyone's energy in the room was heightened today during the asana practice, and I could feel the tremor of excitement within the strands of my leg muscles as I grounded through each standing pose. My legs and feet have become extremely important in my practice, and I'm just discovering how much energy they are capable of storing and releasing. Some days I feel like a tadpole that's just grown legs--they feel like a completely new part of me. I've had them all of my life but the strength and the support that I'm discovering in them, makes me feel like I'm just now learning how to use them.
My intent for my practice today was to go into the dark parts of my body, the parts that I dance around because there's so much stored in these places that I don't really feel like feeling; but I'm at a point in my practice and in my life, where I have to start facing the uncomfortable realities. The dark and scary parts.
This intent takes courage and it requires my legs.
It was an amazing practice--about 40 people in class today. Turbodog Spirit Center felt so alive with all of us. It made me smile.
After practice, the 4 of us, Eleanor, Bill, Stacy and I did some process work and were partnered with a "mirror" or a "butt-kicker." Eleanor is my "mirror maiden" and it was great to get to connect with her. I'm so thrilled to work with her. She did the training in 2005 and realized that she wanted to get back into it and start bringing more yoga to the St. Louis community. I admire her courage and her motivation, and I feel that she will definitely be a good kick in the pants for me over the next 12 months when I need that extra push to get stuff moving.
After process work, we then worked hands-on-assists with Steve and Talya's direction.
1) Side bends with neck stretch
2) Badakanasana Forward Fold
3) Forward fold with extended leg
4) pigeon
5) dolphin
6) cobra
7) downward dog
I felt slightly rusty even though it had only been 2 weeks, but for some reason my hands felt a little hesitant today. The hesitancy wore away and I found myself excited about working with the puzzles of the human body. My natural tendency is to want to help fix everything, but I soon realized that less is sometimes more.
I also became very aware of how necessary it will be to continue to practice working with assists on many different people of different shapes and sizes.
A lunch break with some socializing was a happy break. I found myself to be quite exhausted--still recovering from the swine flu, I could feel my body craving a nap. No time for naps. :-)
After our break the 4 of us had 30 minutes to write up an intro class that would start in less than an hour.
We were a bit frantic putting the poses together, and I could feel the nerves of us rise a bit as we came face to face with the fact that we would be teaching a 90 minute class by ourselves. I got excited, and was curious to see who would show up and how everything would flow.
We drew straws, or rather, numbers to see what order we would teach in. Stacy went first, then me, then Bill, and then Eleanor. It was a good set up. There were 4 students that showed up. 3 of them were very new to yoga, and the other student was a pretty familiar face in class. The body sizes were all very different, and it was interesting to work with the dynamics of each student. Their energy was very supportive, and the genuinely just wanted to learn and do their best.
What I'm learning is that new students are such a joy to work with for the most part, because they are discovering parts of their body in a very different way, and you can see it in their eyes and feel it in their bodies how they are slowly gaining connection to their bodies and what is stored in their "tight and sleepy" parts.
There was one student who wanted to talk to me constantly when I was assisting him, and I realized that I need to work on figuring out how to maintain my role as teacher to lead a student into the different aspects of the pose without them questioning or commenting on everything.
Teaching was a blast. I was by no means perfect but I really enjoyed it. And I had a great time teaching the difficult poses of dolphin, agni sara, chest opener on the wall, forearm balance/dolphin on the wall, and Suns. Throughout my training I had not taught any of these poses, so it was a good challenge to see how I could lead my students as clearly as possible. I did it, and learned a lot about what works and what doesn't work.
One of the most interesting sensations happened to me while I was teaching, and that was that I felt like an antennae for information. I was feeling/empathing so much from my students that at times I felt overwhelmed and a bit unsure of what to do or say. I found myself pacing around. I was picking up on so much that I wasn't sure how to multi-task and accomplish half of what I was picking up on. Talya told me afterward, that the best thing for me to do is to try and slow down the amount of information that I'm taking in and putting out. Slower deeper breaths, and more grounding down through my feet.
I know that all the information will be very helpful in the long run, but currently I am just trying to figure out how to keep my students in a good space where they're being inspired and motivated to keep connecting to their body. One breath at a time.
The class went very well, and the four of us did a great job. I'm so proud of how far we all came throughout the day. I am very aware of how much more I want to practice my assists and my teaching cues.
My intent for the next month is to continue to practice and to hone my skills in assisting and cuing. Now, I need to send out some emails to get more hands on time with my friends or any aspiring yogi. :-)
That's all for now.
Anne
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Where do I begin?
The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.
-Unknown
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
-Seneca
The beginning is the most important part of the work.
-Plato
The journey of a thousand leagues begins with a single step.
-Lao Tzo
I could continue to quote the great minds and their wisdom on beginnings until kingdom come. But, to me, that seems a bit hypocritical by using their wise words to commence the detailing of my own new beginnings in a life that has been full of new beginnings in every dark corner I have come across. And never have the endings seemed more like beginnings than they do now.
I got nothing to lose but my voice, and my voice screams to speak.
My journey began a long time ago in a far away place, where magic resided in the dolls I played with and danced alongside me as I jete'd across my parents' sun room to Swan Lake, Beethoven, Handel, and any piece of classical music that MN Public Radio broadcast. I knew then what nurtured my spirit and made me whirl like a dervish. I knew my sparkle and I felt the magic of life in my imagination and the natural world of trees, butterflies, worms, squirrels, and water that blended with my spirit to create the most magical universe that I saw as my life.
I was born a dreamer and a doer. I was born a wanderer in imagination and in movement. I was born what I like to call a "curiousitor." I was born with a will so strong, that "Help" is a word I struggle to say. I was born with a mind that has "so much to do" and a heart "with so much love to give." I was born wondering "What can I do?" So I try almost anything. I was born thankful to be alive.
So here, in this place of now, I am at the beginning, but the beginning has already begun. Forrest Yoga Foundation Teacher Training in Denver, Colorado has been completed. Here I am at the oasis wondering which direction my teaching and healing skills will take me. And above it all hoping that I will let go enough to let my sparkle guide me as it did when I was a child.
Trusting in our power, in our destiny, in our truth, requires us to go deep. I know not what I may discover but I know that it will be great. I can't wait!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
